Perdit amare
by Twilight-Imp-626
Summary: AU The bullet that hit Charles that day on the beach did much more damage than expected.  Erik is left to care for and lead their ragtag band of mutants.  Unfortunately, even in death, there is still a war to be fought. Erik/Charles
1. Prologue

**_Perdit amare  
><em>**

****I've had this idea forming slowly since I saw X-Men: First Class, and finally have a computer to type my stories on again, so I could actually work on it. My other stories will be updated again soon, though I have put _Werewolf's Rain_ on hiatus for a while.

This story operates under the assumption of pre-established Erik/Charles goodness, so if you don't like it, don't read it.

The title is latin for "to have loved and lost," according to google translator. This is going to be a crossover with Bleach, in the sense that Seireitei and shinigami are the real afterlife in this universe. This also deviates from the end of the movie, just so you know.

I have this first chapter in mostly italics and in present tense, but it is meant to be sort of a flashback, as this is the prologue. Don't judge me!

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men or Bleach

_**Prologue**  
><em>

_Erik feels the bullet entering Charles' body, shattering his vertebrae, piercing his organs, breaking through the skin of his abdomen and leaving a gaping hole in the flesh. The telepath's verbal cry is painful sounding enough, but from the look on Moira's face, and on the faces of all the other mutants on the beach, his mental shriek must be ten times worse. He falls like a marionette that's just had its strings cut, and Erik can't move fast enough to catch him before he hits the sand, but he still rushes to pull him into his lap and gently cradle his injured body. A heavy, cold weight settles in his chest as he watches Charles try to apply pressure to the wound with his own hands, but only succeeds in pawing weakly at the growing bloodstain on the front of his uniform. Erik hears Moira take a tentative step towards him, and the cold weight blooms into a fiery ball of pure fury. His sixth sense finds the bullet that so recently passed through Charles' tender flesh, and, with barely even a second thought, he sends it flying through her skull. There is a gasp from Raven, and he hears the young ones begin to rush towards them._

"_Stay back!" he roars, the anger and finality in his voice stopping them all in their tracks. He focuses on them only long enough to ensure they won't come any closer for now, and then turns his eyes back to Charles, who is struggling to breathe, but trying to speak nonetheless. Erik yanks his helmet off, tossing it to some unseen spot behind him, and feels like his mind is being flooded by everything Charles is._

It hurts everything hurts the bullet burned a hole through me and it hurts so much I can't move my legs can't even feel them I'm cold shouldn't be this cold on the beach in the middle of the day oh God it hurts make it stop please please please! _It's like Charles can't control what he is projecting anymore, so everything comes pouring out in one enormous wave of unrestrained thought. _Erik Erik Erik you deflected the bullet you did this you not your fault never your fault I don't blame you could never blame you I love you always have won't ever stop loving you no matter what you've done Shaw is dead you killed him you don't have to fight him anymore be at peace my friend be at peace I'm cold why am I cold everything is getting fuzzy and cold and I don't like it.

"_It's okay, Charles, it's going to be alright. Just hold on, we'll get you to a hospital, and everything will be alright," he says, intending to sound strong and confident, but ending up pleading desperately. He has finally avenged his mother, so he should be at least satisfied, but he can't be, not when he is having his heart ripped out all over again, after years and years of enduring the emptiness his mother's murder left him with. "Azazel can transport us somewhere, somewhere far from here, and we'll get the best doctor there is to fix you up, so just hang on, okay?"_

Azazel Azazel…_ Charles seems to cling to the name, and tilts his head back to stare in the teleporter's general direction. _Azazel can take you all somewhere safe far away from here home back to the mansion take the kids Erik take them home keep them safe take care of them still so much potential in all of them they have to train more hone their skills Hank needs to get used to his new form his strength I want to be there for them want to see them grow I need you to do that for me please help them for me love for me.

"_Don't say such things! _You _are the one they need, the one _I_ need, so don't you dare leave me! Not after all we've done together!"_

_Charles' body seems to convulse a little, and he turns his head to cough blood onto the sand. He turns back to Erik, his eyes unfocused but still finding his own unerringly. _I'm sorry so so sorry my friend I don't think I can stay I feel so tired it doesn't hurt so much anymore but I'm cold so so cold why is it cold on the beach Erik I was sweating a few minutes ago but now I'm freezing why I don't understand. _There is a pause in his mental speech, and he shudders from head to toe (or he would, if he could feel his legs at all). When he starts projecting again, his mind's voice has become much smaller, almost childlike. _I'm scared Erik I'm so scared it's so cold and I feel like I'm floating and it's getting dark and I don't want to leave please don't make me go I don't want to go I'm scared don't want to be alone don't want to be without you ever again I'm scared Erik Erik where are you I can't really see you anymore where did you go I need you.

"_I'm here, love, I'm here." Erik shifts Charles' weight a little, clasping on of his limp hands firmly. He presses his lips firmly to the palm, and Charles' inhales shakily, coughing up more blood on the exhale. "Don't be scared, I'm with you. We're all here with you." He finally looks up at the others again, nods at them to let them know it's okay to approach the two of them now, and there is a mad rush to crows around them. Even Angel, Azazel, and Janos find their way into the group, though the latter two do so in a much more cautious manner, despite the fact that they, too, can feel the gravitational pull of Charles' mind calling them._

_Raven is at the front of the pack, with Hank just behind her, and she drops to her knees beside her brother. She brushes his sweaty, matted bangs away from his eyes, cooing softly to him as his thoughts shift to focus on her for a few minutes, conveying every ounce of love he has for her. Hank inspects his wound, mindful of his new claws as he does so, and Charles praises him for his intelligence, his compassion, his unending patience for Alex, and his unparalleled love for his new, albeit dysfunctional, family. He addresses each of them in turn, even speaking briefly to Janos and Azazel, offering them the same sanctuary he has offered to each of his students, before returning to Erik._

My friend my brother my love I love you love you so much take care of them for me they need you now more than ever I love you I don't want to leave you just stay with me for a little while longer please need you here I love you don't go don't make me go I love you.

"_I'm not going anywhere, Charles. I promise_." _H_e _presses the telepath's cold, limp hand to his cheek, nuzzling it affectionately and not caring who sees. "I'll be right here the whole time, don't worry."_

_There are no more words from Charles' mind, just a low-pitched whine that slowly grows to a high-pitched keening. Erik refuses to even think of asking Charles to shield his mind from them now; he couldn't break his promise just to comfort himself. The keening builds and builds and builds and-_

_Suddenly, it stops. Charles takes a deep breath, pauses, then exhales for the last time. His body goes limp in Erik's arms, and his eyes, still locked on Erik's face, become blank and lifeless._

_And the constant presence of his mind disappears completely._

_For the longest time, there is absolute silence. No one speaks even a single word. Then, as if a switch has been flipped, Azazel moves to clasp a hand on Erik's shoulder, holding out his other to allow one of the younger mutants to grab it. One by one, they link themselves together, holding tightly to friend and former foe alike, united in their silent grief._

"_Hold tightly to him, comrade," the teleporter says quietly, "and picture where you want to go."_

_The next instant, they find themselves in front of the Xavier mansion. They all stay rooted to the spot, staring at their home, until Sean says, quietly (for once), that they need to bury Charles._

_It is an arduous task, Alex and Hank digging a deep pit under one of the large trees on the estate while Erik uses every bit of strong scrap metal he can find to construct a sturdy coffin. He doesn't let go of Charles for even a second while he completes his self-appointed duty. Later, when all the preparations are made, and Charles has been cleaned up and dressed in his best clothes, Erik sets him gently in his metal resting place, closes and seals it, and lowers it gently into the pit. Raven weeps as Janos creates a fairly small whirlwind to sweep all the loose dirt back over it, and helps Hank, Alex, and Sean tamp it down firmly. The young mutants are freer in expressing their sorrow, while Erik, Janos, and Azazel stand by and observe in stoic silence._

_It isn't until Erik returns to the room he and Charles shared, collapses on the bed, and inhales his lover's lingering scent, that he finally breaks down and sobs, only sleeping when his body is completely drained of every ounce of energy it has._

_In the morning, he will be tortured again by the thought of what he has lost, but until then, he can still pretend everything is okay, that Charles is still with him, in the world of his dreams._


	2. Conventus

_**Perdit amare**_

_For everyone in America who is old enough to remember what happened on this day ten years thago, who can remember exactly where they were and what they were doing when tragedy struck our country, please take a moment to remember those who died, those who survived, and those who gave everything to save the few extra lives they could. Remember that this was a day that, despite one man's attempts to make us crumble, we came together and stood strong. Remember that after years of struggle, and many more lives lost on both sides, we found the man who wounded us, and made sure that he could never do so to anyone else again._

_If you do not agree with anything I just said, please do not comment/review on it. Focus on the story, please._

_As I was thinking about this story at work the other day, I realized that X-Men: First Class took place in the sixties, while Bleach is obviously a bit more modern. I worried about how I would make this work, when I realized something very important: this is a fanfiction, and I'm crossing over two already crazy storylines, so who cares? I'm not going to reference any specific years and what not, so everyone is going to have to deal with it._

_Anyway, my friend threatened to kidney punch me after she read the first chapter. I can't say I blame her, it was very depressing. This next chapter is going to take place approximately three years after the first one, but again, I'm not specifying any year in this crossover._

_The title of this chapter is 'tumultus,' Latin for 'disturbance.'_

_Disclaimer__: Still don't own them_

__**XxXxXxXxXxX**__

_**Chapter 1: Conventus**_

The crowded subway car was suffocating. The number of passengers in the small space would have made an American fire marshal suffer a major meltdown within seconds. Emma had managed to grab a seat the moment one had opened up, but the closeness of so many bodies, so many minds, had her gritting her teeth. She had never liked crowds, especially when she was younger and hadn't perfected her mental shields to block out other people's thoughts, and situations such as this one never helped. It was impossible to block out every other person on the train, and the mental noise was beginning to give her a headache.

Looking up at the man standing right beside her, she couldn't help but feel a stab of jealousy at how calm he seemed. Of course, she didn't have to read Erik's mind to know that he had immersed himself in the feel of all the metal around them, the wheels rolling against the tracks, the compartments shifting with every movement, the grinding sensations created by every piece of the enormous engine as they moved to power the overfull train. His eyes were closed, and his grip on the handle above him loose, but he hadn't even come close to losing his balance; his gift had been perfected too much to allow such an embarrassing slip. When the train started to screech to a stop, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes, settling his gaze on her. Emma simply nodded and started to stand, lurching to her feet as the train finally came to a stop. Using her gift, she subtly influenced the people around them to part just far enough to allow them to get out with minimal resistance.

The minute they were above ground again, Emma sighed in relief. There were still just as many people around, but being out in the open always helped her to block out their thoughts. "Ready to go?"

"Lead the way," he replied quietly, not looking at her. "You're the one who knows where we're going."

With an exasperated sigh, she turned on her heel and started down the street, with Erik close behind her. She hated how completely different he was on a day-to-day basis. One moment he was cold and strict, training the children until they dropped from exhaustion; the next, he would retreat to the mansion's most secluded study, letting them run rampant for hours on end. He had been like that since the day on the beach, when he had finally defeated Shaw…and lost the person most precious to him in the process. Emma understood what it was like to lose someone, especially someone who knew you better than you knew yourself, but life went on, and they had an important job to do and they couldn't afford to get distracted.

"So, as I was telling you earlier, the reading Hank and I were getting from Cerebro 2.0 were…very strange, to say the least," she began, hoping to draw him out of his introverted state.

"How so?" he asked after a long pause.

Feeling a little more confident, she took a breath and pushed on. "The signals we got were stronger at random intervals, then almost nonexistent only minutes later. If it hadn't been for the ridiculously high power spikes, we might not have even picked them up. Most of the time, a mutants power signature is constant, once their powers have been awakened, so fluctuations like these shouldn't be occurring."

"Hm."

"Are you even listening to me?" she snapped, looking at him over her shoulder.

His gaze was (as usual) was steely, revealing nothing despite the sarcastic smirk he gave her. "You are the only one here I really can talk to."

"I already implanted the entire Japanese language directly into your mind, so finding someone else to chat with shouldn't be that hard," she said through clenched teeth, "especially with your _charming_ demeanor."

"Maybe I'd be more inclined to 'chat' with you if you weren't so touchy about walking down the street in a comfortable silence once in a while, instead of being inclined to fill every silence with pointless babbling."

Emma had to force herself not to scream out of pure frustration, but seeing as it was the longest sentence she had gotten out of Erik in weeks, she bit her tongue and stayed quiet. To keep herself occupied, she took in her surroundings, looking around with all the wonder of a foreign tourist while gently projecting the idea that she and Erik were to be left alone to all those around them. The Japanese people did have quite a modern sense of architecture, especially in the cities, but their destination was somewhere deep within the rural areas around them, mixed in with the other spartan family homes. The thoughts that she picked up were soothingly familiar; children looking forward to playing with friends after they had finished their homework; teenagers wanting nothing more than to bask in the comfort of their own homes after enduring a grueling day of school; mothers soothing crying infants; fathers loosening their ties as they finally passed through their own front gates.

There was a faint fluttering sensation at the edge of Emma's mind almost identical to what she had come across while using Cerebro 2.0. Broadening her range enough to lock on to the person's location, she took an abrupt left, following a small side street. Erik quickened his pace so he was right alongside her, watching her carefully out of the corner of his eye. Her eyes narrowed as they drew closer to the odd power signature, and Erik could obviously feel it, too, at such a short range. When they rounded the next corner, they managed to catch a glimpse of a young man in a gray school uniform just as the front door of his house closed behind him.

"Was that-"

"Yes," Emma interrupted. Without breaking stride, she walked right up to the house, ready to knock on the door. Erik stood by the gate, trying to look nonchalant despite his obvious irritation.

There was a loud crash inside the house. Several voices, some male and some female, all started yelling at once. Erik tensed, making all the metallic objects on the street rattle slightly as he prepared to spring into battle. Emma cast her mind out, but before she could even scratch the surface of any of the thoughts just behind the walls before her, the door burst open and a man with black hair and stubble went flying several feet before crashing to the ground.

"_You do this every damn day_! _What kind of father attacks his own son?_"

A tall teenage boy with bright orange hair stood in the doorway. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was wearing a scowl that, judging by the deep wrinkles on his forehead, was probably in place most of the day, every day. He looked as if he could have continued screaming at the man lying on the ground- who, after a quick telepathic investigation, Emma identified as his father- but he stopped when he noticed that they weren't alone. His sharp brown eyes scrutinized both Erik and Emma very carefully before he finally said something.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, actually, you can," Emma replied, slipping on her most charming smile. "We were looking for a young man named Ichigo Kurosaki."

"You've found him," Ichigo replied, his expression becoming dark with suspicion. "Why are you looking for me?"

"Perhaps we could speak with you privately?" she asked, glancing back at his father, who was finally picking himself up off the ground.

Ichigo looked at his father as well, before nodding. "Fine. Dad, I'm going out for a little while."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"So, what do you two want with me?" Ichigo asked, not bothering to turn around the see if they were still following him. He had led them to the edge of the housing developments, and they were walking along the path following the river.

This time, it was Erik who spoke up. "We are recruiting people to our cause, and found that you fit the criteria. Miss Frost located you for us, and I decided to come along to persuade you to join us."

"And what criteria did fit, exactly? The foreign guy? Or perhaps the freak with the bright orange hair?"

"You misunderstand," Emma replied gently. "We are choosing individuals with certain skills that go beyond those of normal humans."

The young man finally stopped, whipping around to face them. His entire body suddenly tensed, his face becoming guarded and wary. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but I think you should just back off and leave me alone."

Tired of dancing around the subject, Emma stepped forward, her expression stony. "Ichigo Kurosaki, 15 years old, turning 16 on July 15th, student at Karakura High School, friend to Orihime Inoue, Yasutora "Chad" Sado, Uryu Ishida, Rukia Kuchiki, and quite a few others, we are not your enemies. And before you say anything, no, we have not been spying on you. I simply read your mind."

"You see, Mr. Kurosaki," Erik drawled, lifting the coin he had used to kill Shaw out of his pocket and twirling it around his fingers with his powers, "we, much like you, are not human, either."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

_Sorry about the weird page breaks. Word hates me right now._

_So, what do you guys think so far? I know, it's a little dry, and the initial meeting of these two worlds is a little messy, but I promise things are going to get more interesting soon. Please review!_


	3. Illustratio

_Sorry about the the long wait. I was a lot busier than I thought I would be over break. I even got to go visit my great grandmother for two weeks, which was really nice since I usually don't get to see her when the rest of the family sees her when I work on the weekends._

_This chapter isn't that great, either, just more information. Erik and Emma get to find out more about soul reapers, and how mutation is linked to the afterlife. There is also a little surprise near the end. ; ) The next chapter should be better, though I'm not sure how long it will be until I update._

_**Disclaimer** - I do not own Bleach or X-Men. There would be a lot more Erik/Charles goodness if I owned the latter._

* * *

><p><em>Illustratio<br>_

"C'mon, it's just a little farther."

Erik followed several feet behind Ichigo, matching each of the young man's steps with one of his own. He still wasn't sure where they were going, but he had every piece of metal in a mile radius primed to rush to his aid in case they were walking into a trap. Emma seemed much more at ease, but he believed this was due to the fact that she was keeping a light mental link with their guide, and how some vague idea of their destination. As much as he preferred being informed, he couldn't stand being linked to her mind unless he absolutely needed it. Her thoughts were hard and cold, while Charles' had always been gentle and warm. And he hated having anything, or anyone, trying to fill the void his lover had left in him. That part of his soul had always been made for Charles, and would never belong to anyone else ever again.

As they rounded the corner, Ichigo smiled and raised a hand in greeting. Peering past him, Erik saw two children sweeping the small courtyard in front of what appeared to be a shop. As the group drew closer, the girl ran inside, pigtails bobbing, as the boy watched them carefully.

"Hey, Jinta. How's it going?"

The boy shrugged and leaned against his broom. "Nothing much. Doing the same stupid chores we always do. Nothing exciting has happened for a while, so the boss is looking to keep us busy." His jerked his red-haired head at Erik and Emma. "Who're they?"

"That's what I'm here to talk to Urahara about," Ichigo replied. "These guys are a little confused, and I figured he could straighten them out."

Erik stiffened a little, tightening his mental focus so that he would be prepared if this encounter did turn out badly. He felt Emma's mind prod his own gently, but he kept his barriers firm, giving her a warning glance out of the corner of his eye. She simply shrugged, before walking up to Jinta. "My name is Emma Frost," she said with a charming smile. "You're Jinta, correct?"

Jinta gripped his broom tighter and scowled. "Yeah…"

"Don't worry; we're not here to cause trouble. I promise."

The boy snorted. "Promises don't count for much around here." He turned away from them and resumed sweeping. "Just stop bothering me and go see the boss. Some of us have work to do around here."

Erik bit back a smile at the shocked and offended look on Emma's face. He felt a tug on his sleeve, and looked down to see the girl with pigtails staring up at him with wide eyes. "Urahara-san and Ichigo-kun are waiting for you inside," she said in a soft voice. "Please, follow me."

The man waiting for them was not what Erik had expected. He grinned at them cheerfully, waving them into the room with the folded fan he was holding, leaning on his cane.

"Please, sit down, make yourselves comfortable. Ururu, dear, do you think you could make us some tea?"

The little girl nodded, slipping out of the room silently. Erik felt a quick nudge against his mind, and noticed that Emma had suddenly tensed up. He cast out his senses and felt the strong pulse of a blade hidden within the man's cane. He gripped it with his power, and tried to draw it to himself, expecting it to fly effortlessly. Instead, he only succeeded in making it clatter to the floor before he was suddenly flung against the wall by a sudden surge of unseen energy. His breath left him in a rush, but he still made sure he was back on his feet almost instantly. Ichigo tensed, gripping a strange totem of sorts that he pulled from his pocket. Emma shifted to her diamond form, ready to strike back, but the man only clucked his tongue and sat down, drawing the cane into his lap and sliding the sword out of its sheath.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking at them from beneath the brim of his hat with a genuinely apologetic smile. "I should have warned you about my darling girl's temperament." He laid the blade flat in his palms and held it out to them. "Please, feel free to inspect her, if you wish. She shouldn't react so violently this time."

Emma cautiously took the blade, eyes narrowing as she inspected it critically. Erik looked on, and was surprised when she dropped her diamond form, eyebrows shooting up and a look of shock on her face. "It's…it's _alive_."

Erik reached out to touch it with his senses, using a much more cautious approach, and couldn't believe the warm pulse of sentience he felt flowing through the metal. He stepped up beside Emma, running his fingers along the sword in awe. "_Was ist das?_"

"A zanpakutō," the man replied, waving Ururu back into the room when she hesitated in the doorway. "A 'soul-cutting sword,' though it isn't usually as ominous as the name suggests. A zanpakutō is a soul reaper's most important tool, and often his or her closest companion."

"What is a soul reaper?" Emma inquired, eyes still glued to the marvel in her grasp.

The man poured himself a cup of tea, took a sip, then beckoned for them to join him. "I supposed that is where our story must begin."

And so the man, who they sooned learned was called Kisuke Urahara, began to tell them about the history of the Soul Society, of the soul reapers that guided and protected human souls from the Hollows that would destroy any pure heart they could get their claws on. Ichigo interjected occasionally, especially when it came to what they called Arrancars and Visoreds (though he seemed a little uncomfortable during the discussioon of the later). He explained that a soul reaper's zanpakutō was an extension of his or her own soul, and allowed them to fight the vicious Hollows.

"Though with the addition of the Arrancars to the war, it has become tougher. It isn't as easy to get the upper hand on your opponent when they are fighting back with the one weapon you thought was your advantage. But we make do, don't we I~chi~go?" he ended in a sing-song voice.

Emma traced the edge of her teacup with her index fingers, her eyes still curious. Erik wasn't sure why she hadn't just probed Urahara's mind to answer her questions, but he supposed she had her reasons. Erik set his own empty cup down before asking the one question that had been at the forefront of his mind during the entire discussion.

"And how do mutants fit into all of this?"

"Ah, now that is a very interesting subject!" Urahara replied excitedly, clapping his hands together. "Because so many souls lose their memories of their living selves after traveling to the Soul Society, we had very little knowledge about mutation until a few years ago. But we had noticed that some souls had the ability to attain soul reaper powers at a more rapid rate than others. Then, a few years ago, a young man who had just passed away was actually able to retain his memories from his former life, and thus his mutant powers. This knowledge, along with the observations of his fast-paced progression to full soul reaper, allowed us to make the connection between our "prodigies" and mutant-kind. And, in a way, attaining soul reaper powers is another form of evolution, for both human- and mutant-kind, which explains why you mistook the flares of reiatsu during battle for mutant-signature power flares."

"Pardon me, Urahara-san, but who was this mutant?" Emma asked. "Normally, I would have just looked into your mind and answered that for myself, but you have surprisingly strong mental shields."

"Also a gift from our young friend. He assisted many of us in fortifying our mental strength. Actually, I'm almost positive you are already familiar with his techniques."

"Why would we be?" Erik replied with a hint of steel in his voice. He was more than tired of Urahara's long-winded speech, and wanted nothing more to go back to the mansion. If there were no mutants to recruit here, then there was no reason for either of them to be there.

"I was assured that, if nothing else, you would recognize the name 'Charles Xavier.'"

Erik's heartbeat sped up until he was convinced it would burst in his chest, and he was forced to lock down his senses, lest he tear the house apart on impulse. "Charles is here?"


End file.
